My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
