I love black thongs
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
