guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i've created a new STD.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
