I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team