Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes