Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!