all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.