Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
