Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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