The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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