I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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