He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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