I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
