I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
