Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
