When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
