The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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