Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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