We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Welp...herpes.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
