hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
