There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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