Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
