Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
