im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
