Plan B is the new Plan A
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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