Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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