There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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