I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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