This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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