I puked a lego.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You're like the curious george of whores
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
