i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
