I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
