God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
