So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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