You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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