Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Pants are for mortals
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
