and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
