i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
