Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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