In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
