I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
