Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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