I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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