OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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