I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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