apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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