I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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