I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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