I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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