i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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