he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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