Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
