it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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