What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
