I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
