I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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