There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
