Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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