dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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