you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is the high leading the old right now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
